Soup is not a car food.

Home sellers have a love/hate relationship with home buyers.   You really want someone to come along, fall in love with your house and offer you boatloads of money for it, but this requires that people actually come into your home and look at things.  They open the closets and drawers, use the bathrooms, pick up decorative objects for reasons known only to themselves and things like that.  It feels really, really weird to have people in your house when you’re not there.  There’s a very high ick factor involved.

There’s also the logistical problem of scheduling showings, while still trying to maintain some semblance of a normal life for yourself.  Take yesterday for example.   Someone wanted to come back for a second look (they’d made an offer, which I countered and they wanted to come back before they responded).  They were supposed to be there between 5:45 and 7:00 pm.  You know, dinner time.  So, I made everything pretty and hightailed it to the Wegmans cafe, where I read the paper and nursed a cup of coffee.  Then I got a call that they were running late and wouldn’t be out before 7:30.

When I got home, I was starving, so I started dinner.  Just as dinner was ready, I got a call that they wanted to come back for a third look.  <insert bigasseyeroll here>  Well, dinner was soup and salad.  I had a bowl of soup sitting there that was way too hot to eat and I had to vacate the house in 5 minutes.   I was really, really hungry and didn’t want to wait till 8:45 to eat, so I put a cover on the soup bowl, headed to the car, drove to a local strip mall and sat in the car eating my soup.  I think I can safely say that I’ve never eaten soup in the car before.  I don’t recommend it.

Oh, and no word yet from the indecisive ones.

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It’s a sign

A For Sale sign.  In my yard.  That’s the reason I haven’t posted here in a while.  I’ve been getting the house ready to go on the market.  I’ve watched way too many of those shows on HGTV on how to sell your house, so I know the value in fixing things up.  I had the outside of the house cleaned, all the gardens got new mulch (oh, my aching back), there’s new carpet in about half the house and boring, inoffensive paint in the master bedroom.  It’s so clutter-free around here, it doesn’t seem like a human lives here.   It just seems weird to fix things up to get ready to leave the house.

University of Delaware is about 60 miles from my current home.  That’s not a huge distance in the overall scheme of things, but the commute would involve 3 of the worst roads in the area for traffic tie-ups.  Depending on when I leave, it could take more than an hour and half each way.  I decided that 3+ hours on the road every day I have to be on campus (which would be most days) is too much.  I’d rather spend the time reading, writing and generally doing something productive.

So, I have to move.  Right now, that idea makes me sad.  I like my house a lot and I’ve done a lot to make it me.  I like my town and I like that I know where things are and the back ways to get places without hitting too much traffic.  I know the best place for strawberries (willowcreekorchards.com if you’re in the area), the little local pet food store (http://perkvalleypeteatery.com/) and the gas station that’s easiest to get to and usually the cheapest.  I like my doctors, my vet, my plumber, my YMCA, stuff like that.  I’ve lived within about a 5 mile radius for almost 22 years.  That’s a long time.

Of course, part of my ambivalence about moving is tied up with being more than a little bit nervous about going back to school.  Putting the house on the market is one of those really definitive steps towards that goal, which makes it just that much more real.  Then there’s the anxiety about the selling process itself.  It’s such a royal pain to keep the house ready to show on a moment’s notice.

But, I’m looking to the future.  That’s what this whole thing is about anyway, right?  I’ll get to discover the new best places to go for things.  I’ve already been educated about the best ice cream place, so I’m all set there.  Newark is a nice little town/city and, as a college town, there are a lot of little hole-in-the-wall restaurants, coffee places, bookstores and boutiquey little places.  That’ll be fun to explore.  A new place where I don’t have to track down a plumber if the drain clogs (just call maintenance!) or fuss with the yard has a real appeal these days.   So, on to new places and the joys of exploration!

A little house-selling mojo would be greatly appreciated, too.

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And the winner is…

It’s been a really difficult process to decide where to get my master’s.  I’ve really been torn between the two schools, since each have pros and cons.  Since I wrote that list, some of the cons for one of the schools were alleviated.  I spoke with additional faculty and had some additional contact with the Assistant Director of the program (he’d been very formal on first contact, but has since relaxed quite a bit!).   So, this morning I officially accepted an offer to join the Master of Energy and Environmental Policy  program at the University of Delaware (formerly known as Univ D)!

While I would love to be near my parents and the people at Univ R were really open and welcoming, the bottom line is that I think the MEEP program (ok, the acronym is just a little twee, but I didn’t name it) at U Del is a better fit for me.  It has a good reputation with people working in the field, the faculty have good networks and are committed to securing research projects of interest to the students.  They have a very active research program and students have the opportunity to work on several of them during their time in the program.  The additional faculty I spoke with were really enthusiastic and friendly (and very casual, which I like).  Plus, it lets me stay in the general Philly area.

So, the big decision is done!  Onward…

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Hey lady, get that formula outta here!

I just had the best morning!  It was my second shift at the wildlife rehab clinic and I fed about thousand baby squirrels.  Okay, so it was only about 35, but it seemed like 1000.  They’re just so damn cute.  A new little female came in that someone had been trying to raise on their own for a few days.  She was remarkably healthy and loved, loved, loved her first taste of formula.

Some of them are adolescents now and weaning themselves from being syringe-fed.   There were a few that I swear rolled their little black eyes at me when I tried to feed them.  “Seriously, lady, do I like look a baby or something?”  Well, yes.  Yes, you do.  But since you ate your Cheerios, veggies and rodent chow, I’ll give you a pass on being fed like a baby.

So, you want to try something fun and challenging?  Try transferring 4 teenage squirrels from one cage to another without any of them escaping or ending up in your hair.  I managed to thwart the escape attempts, but at least two did spend some time in my hair.  Too funny.

I also helped the rehabber set the broken leg of a chukar partridge and gavage an injured mallard duck and a herring gull.  All new stuff for me!   But apparently, I made the biggest impression on the staff by showing them how to remove permanent marker from a dry-erase board.  It was the talk of the clinic.  So, I guess all those years spent in corporate conference rooms weren’t wasted!

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One decision down, several gazillion to go

Well, I’ve decided that I definitely do want to go to grad school full time this autumn.  A lot of you are probably saying “I knew it!” but it really hadn’t been clear to me until recently.  Getting accepted at both places where I applied lifted me up in a way that the thought of going directly into a job in the field didn’t.   I’m a big believer in the gut reaction these days.  Getting ridiculously excited about hearing that I got in (I mean, I actually did a little jump up and down thing) was a huge clue.

Even though it means selling my house and moving, it feels very right to me.  I really like my house and where I live, but Ive been in this area for almost 22 years and that’s long enough.  My house is too big for one person, anyway and I’ve been feeling the weight of it and too much stuff lately.  Time to reduce the old carbon footprint.

Another factor is that I’ve never really gotten to have much of a full time university experience.  I got my Associate’s degree full time, but my B.S. and first M.S. were done while working full time.  It’s a very different thing, to split your brain into work and school segments.  I enjoyed it a lot, but I’ve always felt a little like I missed out on something.  No, I don’t mean sororities and football games.  Although I did miss out on those first time around, I didn’t miss them, if you know what I mean.   I mean the total immersion in academic thought.  The opportunity to Think Deep Thoughts.  I don’t know if I really have Deep Thoughts, but I want the chance to find out.

Now, on to deciding where…

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I am not a patient woman

I am not known for my patience.  I’m sure I have other good qualities, but patience is really not among them.  I’ve gotten much better at it in my middle age, but still, it’s not the first thing that springs to mind when people think of me.

So, waiting to hear from grad schools is not something I enjoy or at which I excel.  I hear that some people enjoy the anticipation.  Those people are odd.  For me, the longer I wait, the more convinced I get that this whole idea is the stupidest thing I’ve ever conceived.  Hearing from one school was excellent – it went a long way toward curbing the doubts.  But there’s still that other school.

This morning, I was in my Pilates class.  Instead of that zen-like state one is supposed to achieve whilst contorting one’s body into punishing positions, I was stewing.  My internal dialogue went something like this:

“Why haven’t I heard from Univ R yet?”

“Ouch, that muscle hurts”

“Sheesh, those people.”

“Ooo, that stretch felt good”

“They found out that I’m really clueless.”

“Ouch”

“I know why it’s taking so long – they sent all the acceptances out to the others and they’re waiting to see if someone turns them down and they need me to fill the seat”

You get the idea.  Then I got home and checked my email.  There it was, a message from Univ R.  I got in there, too!!  I don’t yet have the financial details from them, but I’m in!

See?  Stewing works!

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One down, one to go!

I got official notice this morning from University D that I was accepted!!

Just waiting now to hear from University R, so I can decide what to do and potentially where to go.  I will say, I was surprised how excited I was that I got into D’s program.  I’m sure that’s, in large part, due to the validation factor (they don’t think I’m an idiot!  Woohoo!).  But, I’m sure there’s a part that’s excited just about the idea of going back to school, too.  That’s a clue, isn’t it?

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Attack of the insecurities

I’ve had a lot of sleepless nights in the last couple of years.  That changed a few weeks ago.  Once I had the grad school applications in, things got a lot better.   Last night was an exception, though.  I woke up at an ungodly hour and couldn’t get back to sleep.  By about 4:30 this morning, I had myself thoroughly convinced that neither of the schools I applied to would accept me, I wouldn’t be able to land a position in the field and that I’d end up doing contract work as a business analyst for pharma companies for the rest of my life.  Worry and insecurity can get pretty intense in the middle of the night and your mind tends to go to extremes.  Well, mine does anyway.   In the light of day, I don’t really think I’ll get rejected at every turn.  I just wish I had a crystal ball to see how this was all going to turn out.

It was kind of enlightening, though.  My visceral reaction to the possibility of doing that kind of work tells me that my happiness definitely lies elsewhere.  One of the first things I did when I got up was go to my list of “Things I might want to be when I grow up” and cross that off the list.  There might be variations of it that I could get into, but that particular thing is my past, not my future, if I can help it.  I’m learning to listen to my gut.

It’s funny I had this happen this week, when other things went pretty well.  I had a delightful conversation with a bigwig in the division of the National Park Service that handles wildlife management.  He was very encouraging and gave me some good suggestions for how to break into the field, even without further schooling.  He brought up the possibility of working with the NPS on a project on a volunteer basis, to get to know some people better and let them get to know what I can do.  He even sent a message to a couple of his colleagues here in my area asking them to get in touch with me about it.  I’ll follow up with them if I don’t hear back.   Fingers crossed.

Also, I had my first rabies vaccination in preparation for starting to work with critters in rehab.  Didn’t hurt a bit.  If only this whole process were as easy.  I might sleep better.

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Such a cool day!

So, today, I met with a woman who runs one of the local wildlife rehab clinics.  I’m going to volunteer there, after I get my rabies pre-exposure vaccinations.  She has a really cool operation.  She takes in, rehabs and releases about 200 injured, sick or orphaned animals a year, about half of which are orphaned babies.  She specializes in raccoons, but also works with skunks, foxes, squirrels, groundhogs, opossums, bats, coyotes and once even a litter of baby deermice.

I learned a lot just in this one visit – for example, did you know that skunks and foxes imprint on humans in rehab, so in order for them to be successfully reintroduced into the wild, you can’t handle them much?  And that raccoons thrive on human interaction while in rehab, but don’t seem to seek it out after release, so you need to interact with them a lot?  I didn’t either!   Also, deermouse babies are really, really small.

I can’t wait to start there.

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I hate when reality wrecks a perfectly good fantasy.

Yesterday I had a phone conversation with a colleague-of-a-friend-of-a-friend (got that?) at a federal agency that does the kind of work I’m interested in doing.  It was a very good conversation, really, but I must admit I was a little disappointed.  I hadn’t really thought about it, but I must have had some kind of fantasy going that he would tell me not to bother with going to school and that he thought I was perfect for a role in his agency right now!  Yeah, not so much.

His background is as a field wildlife biologist, so, not unreasonably, he has something of a bias for people with field experience (which I, of course, lack).  He wasn’t in least bit discouraging, mind you, but the conversation did bum me out until I figured out what I had been thinking way back in the recesses of my mind.  Once I did that, I had a good chuckle at myself and focused on the advice he gave me.  He had some suggestions for what I should do with the master’s curriculum and gave me good information about some of the programs the feds have for students and recent graduates.  And he did send me some other names of people to contact in other agencies.   It was a very productive half hour and an excellent reality check.

But there’s still nothing wrong with a little dreaming…

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