I’m having a bit of a crisis of confidence. Push is starting to come to shove now and things haven’t quite aligned as I would like. Worrying is something of a specialty of mine, so I’m doing a lot of that. I have a friend that says that worrying works. After all, the things you worry about rarely happen, right? Imagine what would happen if you hadn’t worried. Anyway, lots of things keeping me awake at night (good thing I have nothing against the judicious use of properly prescribed pharmaceuticals).
I found a townhouse to rent for the time I’m in school and signed the lease yesterday. It’s nice enough, but it’s a rental – unrelentingly neutral with all white walls and beige carpet. I’m getting really sad about leaving my house. I know this will pass and once I do some painting and get my things in it in a couple of weeks, it’ll feel like home soon enough. But for now, it’s more than a little depressing to think of leaving my decorated-exactly-to-my-taste place.
My house still has not sold and that’s making me nervous, now that I’m paying both rent and mortgage. I’ve only had one showing in the last week – things have really slowed down. I know it’ll sell eventually, but it’s scary not knowing when. I’m constrained a bit on packing, too, since cardboard doesn’t make for very attractive decor when showing a house. So, I’m packing what I can and worrying about getting the rest of it done in time.
I still don’t know what classes I’ll be taking or what my schedule will be and I won’t until orientation on Aug 30. So, not only can I not get in the mindset of particular courses yet, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to keep volunteering at the raccoon clinic. I’m not a big fan of uncertainty.
And last, but certainly not least, my mother was diagnosed a few weeks ago with a potentially very serious illness. We know very little so far, although we should know more by midweek this week. So, every scheduled thing I have going except orientation and school starting is a bit tentative until we know what the plan is for the next few weeks.
I know this isn’t my usual enthusiastic, forward-thinking post, but it’s just been that kind of a week. I know things will turn around soon. Any time now.
Right now would be good.